Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Broken wings...



The loud, raunchy music blared and it was almost deafening in the dimly lit room filled with the stench of alcohol & cigarette smoke. The frequent wolf whistles & constant ogling of sex starved eyes wrecked her nerves. The senseless life at the night club was wearing her down. She longed to run away from this bleak, seedy world where nothing except sex survived!



She detested the giggling of teenaged girls on the balcony of the building where she lived with other sex workers. Those young girls have just been thrown into the profession and they seemed to adjust so well, so soon. She was amazed by how easily they learnt the tricks of the trade...their eyes always inviting, to lure customers. She remembered how she was pushed into this hell at the age of 14. The faceless men who ravished her young body made her shiver now...it was almost 10 years ago. Why did life treat her so mercilessly, she wondered. She was just another simple girl with simple dreams of a happy life! She was now a wingless bird...trapped forever.



That night she looked out her window and admired the full moon in all its glory. Memories of her childhood streamed in...of her grandma narrating lovely stories about the moon during bedtime. The fantastic world weaved by her grandma took her into her world of dreams as she cuddled up in her bed. That was then...now every night was just a senseless orgy. How could her beautiful secure world suddenly collapse was something she could never comprehend. It was now simply beyond her ability to retrace steps and go back to her old world.



Rough hands fondled her, men, with breath reeking of cheap alcohol, grabbed her wildly...she wanted to die that very instant. She tightened herself everytime someone came near...and what followed would simply be a kind of ritual that she had learnt all these years. She had encountered strange men yet never did she feel the urge to know anyone on a personal level. It was just her body that she provided...and that was all. She developed a stoic attitude towards the beastliness that she faced each night. She was able to encounter every untamed beast that pounced upon her night after night. She felt like getting some kind of a delight out of it lately. What has gotten over her, she wondered. She never wanted this before...why the sudden change? Perhaps a bird with broken wings could tell her...



Wednesday, September 14, 2011

In two minds ...



Wish to scream, I wish to cry
Wish to scream, I wish to die
Lay buried in the earth
Where leaves fall and dry…
Make me bud again
Water my roots…pluck me from the dead
Unchain me, comfort me…Make me live again!
I wish to scream, want to cry
Wish to scream, I want to die
Lie buried in the deep blue sea
Clinging to my agony…

Sunday, February 13, 2011

The Ruins

A skeletal frame with a gaping mouth stood beside a pile of human carcasses & held out its hand towards her………”Come to me”, it whispered….Jahnvi woke up with a start. It was five in the morning. She remembered that they would be traveling to Pelling, their last destination in the Sikkim trip. After a hot shower, Jahnvi decided to take a stroll in the hotel complex before waking up Aakash. Their hired vehicle was supposed to arrive at 8 am.
The drive to Pelling was a long one. Jahnvi read about The Ruins of Pelling in some travel magazine. Being a History Major student, she had always wanted to explore it. Aakash’s hectic office schedule made it difficult for them to plan a holiday. She wanted it badly. Two and a half years of wedded life and she does not remember any holiday other than their honeymoon trip to Goa. But now they were finally in Pelling, the place Jahnvi had been longing to visit.
The next morning, Jahnvi & Aakash got ready for sightseeing. Their first stop would invariably be The Ruins! An hour’s drive or so brought them to the ancient capital of the Sikkimese rulers. Jahnvi felt a nervous excitement as they stepped out of the car and headed towards the entry point. They would have to walk much before arriving at the actual site. There were a few other tourists, mostly foreigners, who had a local guide with them. Jahnvi and Aakash walked up to the main area. Something was hypnotic about the place, thought Jahnvi. Meanwhile, Aakash got busy taking pictures of the ancient seat of power. Jahnvi quietly strolled around the place, soaking in the antiquity. She wondered about the events which these broken down structures had been a witness to – wars lost and won, regal weddings, conspiracies, secret affairs, births and deaths – the walls seemed to tell so many stories!
Aakash suddenly realized that Jahnvi was nowhere in sight. Where did she disappear? The other tourists were on their way out. He called out to her but in vain. The sun shone strongly, leaving his throat parched. He discovered a stone slab in the shade and sat there, gulping down almost the entire water from the bottle. The heat made him drowsy and Aakash thought of a quick nap as he waited for Jahnvi to return. An hour and a half elapsed. Aakash woke up to the sound of footsteps nearby. Jahnvi walked towards him, a haggard look on her otherwise cheerful face. Before he could ask her anything, she informed him that she had seen a monk walking towards a passage inside the broken down palace. Curious, she had followed him quietly. He turned back and saw her but continued to move on. Jahnvi thought he looked rather gaunt and frail in appearance. Almost skeletal, one could say. The passage grew darker as it sloped down to some kind of an underground chamber. Before she realized where she was, Jahnvi found herself all alone. The monk, whom she had been following, simply disappeared! The hot air choked her and she groped her way back to the entrance of the passage, somehow. Jahnvi confessed that she would have loved to explore the underground chamber. Aakash felt an eeriness about the whole episode and said it was time to leave. They had other places to visit.
That evening as they dined at the restaurant, Jahnvi was lost in thought. While Aakash relished some local delicacies, she contemplated on her next visit to The Ruins. She has to visit it again. Aakash woke early the next morning. He decided not to wake Jahnvi since she had a disturbed sleep the previous night. She was mumbling something about the monk and the dead people in her sleep. Aakash decided to take a walk in the crisp morning air and clear his mind of the strange thoughts about Jahnvi which troubled him all night. An hour later, he returned to the hotel and was informed by the receptionist that Jahnvi has left the key at the front desk saying she would be back in a couple of hours. Aakash instinctively knew that she was back at The Ruins. He felt so helpless, so confused. Why did Jahnvi get obsessed with that place?
Meanwhile, Jahnvi walked briskly towards the broken down palace. There were no tourists yet and she was glad for that. She strode straight to the passage and looked around to check if anyone was watching her. Then she steadily walked down the passage, gradually descending into the dark chamber below. Switching on the flash light, Jahnvi took one step at a time, trying to study the faded wall murals. There were symbolic graffiti on the walls – human skulls, distorted and agonizing faces, fire in a pit, ritual dances, scenes of copulation, etc. Suddenly she heard the familiar “Come to me…” being whispered into her ears! She looked around to discover the gaunt monk standing close by. He held out his bony hand towards her. As if in a trance, she took his hand and was led further down. A pungent, rotten smell made her nauseous. Soon Jahnvi stepped on something hard and almost tripped. The flash light dropped on the floor with a thud, the sound reverberating through the emptiness of the place. She groped for the light in sheer darkness and having found it, switched it on at once. To her utter horror, she found herself amidst a pile of human skeletons, the ones she had dreamt of on several nights. Jahnvi realized that she was inside some kind of a crypt. The monk had vanished again. Was this some kind of a death trap? She tried to scream but couldn’t. A bony hand seemed to strangulate her and she gasped for breath. Jahnvi saw the monk with the skeletal visage towering over her. “Come to me”, it whispered again. She blacked out…
Recovering her senses, Jahnvi found herself in the hotel room with Aakash sitting next to her on the bed. She was running high fever. The hotel manager had informed a local doctor who was on his way. One of the attendants stood near the door, asking if any help was needed. Jahnvi turned to look at him…his gaunt and frail look seemed so familiar! Aakash said that they would be checking out within two days. Jahnvi would surely recover by then, he assured her. But The Ruins still beckoned her....could she ever go back, she wondered.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

HUSH...............

The car sped through the road that was lined with trees bearing bright yellow flowers. Spring has indeed arrived. She could feel the verve of the season inside her. She looked out of the car’s window, admiring the landscape, a flutter in her heart. He sat beside her, driving and talking almost nonstop. Thoughts flooded her mind…will life be always as pleasant as this drive? Will he remain ever so cheerful? She was whisked away into a world of dreams whenever he was with her. Was it love? She thought. She knew he was watching her and was anticipating her to speak up. But she could hardly say something. Words didn’t matter much to her. It was just being close to him which mattered. She wondered if he would understand how she felt. Could he ever comprehend her joy while being with him? They drove on. It was almost dusk. A soothing instrumental number on the car stereo made her feel that life can’t be more beautiful!! She silently prayed that it stays that for her, always. She recalled the unforgettable moments of walking hand in hand on a muddy pathway through a paddy field earlier that afternoon. The light drizzle made the experience so blissful. She wished that he knew how much she loved every moment with him. Did he think her to be too shy and reticent? But she loved being silent, taking comfort in his presence. She wanted to let silence prevail as they drove on under the starry sky. Was it boring for him? Honestly, she did not care. Love is to be felt in silence rather than expressed in words…words didn’t mean much to her, anyway...

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

STAR GAZING...

Everyone in that middle class neighborhood wondered about their relationship. Gossip mongers had a field day almost every evening as they sat together over a cup of garam chai. The affinity between them became an enigma for the conservative neighbors.
His eyes caught sight of her for the first time at the crowded beach one summer evening. He had gone there for a quiet stroll to refresh his troubled mind. But the noisy crowd made him more irritated, more tired. Peace somehow always evaded him. He sat on the sand and observed the humdrum with a frown. Suddenly his eyes lit up. He saw her walking towards a chaat vendor. Her wet clothes clung to her slim body like second skin. He observed her with keen interest…something about her resembled his wife, Usha, who had been dead for five years now. Her soft giggle, her lively eyes seemed hauntingly similar. Three more girls of her age came running to join her at the food stall. They too were dripping wet…how happy they all appeared. He was the only one who sat morose, lifeless. He felt wretched as he watched them relishing the roadside delicacy…oh how his Usha had loved munching paani puri near the beach. For a fraction of a second, he saw Usha in that girl. But how could it be? She was already dead. He wondered why he wasn’t able to get over her death…that terrible accident which had snatched Usha from him forever. Nothing seemed to work out for him. He hated the world but didn’t know why. Every evening he strolled on the beach trying to seek an answer for his wretched state of mind. He watched the crowd frolicking around him and felt more miserable. What was wrong with him? As he came out from his reverie, she was nowhere in sight. He cursed himself. Why did those unending questions bother him at that moment? He had lost her…just like Usha.
Walking back home, he went up straight to the terrace of his apartment building. People hardly came up but he was a regular there. He loved the soft breeze…another lonely night…the stars would give him company…maybe Usha was among them too looking down at him from her celestial abode. He woke up with a start; the sun was up and already scorching. It was 7 in the morning. He rushed down to his apartment on the 7th floor. To his astonishment, he heard that same giggle, of the previous evening, just behind him. He turned slowly and saw her…Usha? She carried a suitcase and climbed up the stairs with a middle aged man. A couple of young boys followed with more baggage. He watched in surprise as the man unlocked the door of the apartment adjacent to his. The apartment has been rented out, he guessed. He felt dizzy for a moment…she would be living next to him.
After the regular stroll at the beach, he walked home. But he wasn’t as miserable. Something was changing…he felt much lighter. Climbing up to the terrace, he wondered what she might be doing in her new home. Would she be a regular visitor to the beach like him? He sat on the concrete slab and looked up. The dark blue sky was sprawled with stars…his Usha among them. But wasn’t she already there next door? The chill breeze of October made him shiver. Suddenly, he heard footsteps approaching the terrace. Someone was invading his privacy…he had to leave. As he stood up and walked towards the stairs, she emerged. He didn’t know what to do. She smiled shyly at him and came forward. As if already acquainted with the place, she sat comfortably on the stone slab. She looked up at the brightly lit sky and whispered something softly. He stood there as if under a spell.
Together they watched the stars every evening. She knew so much about them. He wondered was she really one of them…his Usha…who had descended just to make him peaceful? Indeed, peace had come at last. He ignored the sarcasm of his inquisitive neighbors. “Star gazing?” they would ask. He simply smiled. What would they know of the tranquility he had found lately? His ‘star’, his Usha was back…

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Rendezvous In Egypt

A severe dust storm is likely to hit Sakkara and neighboring areas, predicted the weather man on the radio which blared at the barber shop. Omar frowned at the forecast. He was to report to the visiting senior archeologists from the University of Edinburgh. He had met those archeologists during a seminar on ancient Egypt which he had attended in Edinburgh about a year ago. Being half Egyptian, Omar always longed to return to his mother’s country and study its rich past. Egypt simply fascinated him. His British friends made fun of him when he confessed that he would bring home an Egyptian bride. Soon after graduating with History major, Omar made up his mind to pursue his Masters in Egyptian History. He was asked to present a paper at the seminar in Edinburgh where he chanced upon the archeologists.
Making a quick payment at the barber shop, Omar rushed back to his hotel room to pack and leave Cairo. He had already made arrangements to travel to Sakkara in a land cruiser. The vehicle arrived at the hotel on the scheduled time and Omar hopped in with bag in the back seat. As they drove off, the heat made Omar drowsy. He dozed off and the driver noticed the chiseled features of his passenger. Omar had been a heart throb in his college days. His impressive height, and dark, deep- set eyes made hearts aflutter. But somehow he detested the daring advances of his British college mates. He hated their sense of dressing. Omar loved the way his mother used to dress, her long flowing robe and the hijab made her look all the more beautiful. She was covered from head to toe yet there was a sensuality in her. He wondered how his father, a British by birth, might have felt when he first set his eyes on her. Omar had always wanted to love a woman who was dignified and sensual as his mother.
He woke up with a start when the land cruiser came to an abrupt halt. Omar looked at his watch; he had been sleeping for nearly two hours. The driver had stopped to have a cup of coffee. The journey to Sakkara resumed. Omar felt a nervous excitement. Soon he would meet the archeologists and his dream of exploring the ancient world of Egypt would come true!
Around five in the evening, the vehicle arrived at the guest house where Omar and the foreign visitors would stay. After a warm shower and some coffee, he was all set to meet the guests from Edinburgh. The brightly lit dining hall of the guest house was a relaxing sight for Omar after his tiring journey. Dr. Barclay was already present at the hall. He came forward and greeted Omar warmly. Then he initiated the introduction with his team mates. There were two other male archeologists. The fourth member was an exceptionally attractive woman in her mid forties. Omar was taken aback when he looked into her grey-green eyes. He found the same sensuality which his mother’s eyes had reflected years ago. She introduced herself as Dr. Bridgette Evans from Stockholm University. She was actually an anthropologist and profoundly interested in the ancient Egyptian society. Therefore, she jumped at the offer of visiting Egypt with Dr. Barclay and his team. The company enjoyed a hearty dinner and retired for the night.
During the meal, Omar could not take his eyes off Bridgette. It seemed to him that she too was enjoying all the attention. When she wished him goodnight, he noticed an inviting look in her beautiful eyes. That night, he could not fall asleep. Bridgette’s beauty was almost haunting him. Omar tossed and turned in bed for the rest of the night. He felt like a fool and consoled himself that it was pure infatuation. Nothing else…
A loud knock on the door woke up Omar the next morning. He glanced at his watch to find that it was already half past eight. He was supposed to join the visitors for breakfast at nine. Omar took a quick shower, dressed and hurried towards the dining hall. It was going to be a long day for them. The first stop would be the step pyramid at Sakkara followed by the famed temple at Karnak. At the breakfast table, Omar tried not to look at Bridgette. He greeted her casually and got busy talking with the others. Her husky voice, however, filtered down his ears. Omar could feel that Bridgette was observing his every move in between her conversation. Soon the group got into a land cruiser and headed for the step pyramid. Bridgette was dressed in khaki shorts and a whit and brown floral top. Omar blushed as she climbed into the vehicle and sat next to him. Her long legs brushed against his as the cruiser moved along the bumpy desert road. He could feel her presence so close but he dismissed all his thoughts of her as silly. After all, he would be marrying an Egyptian girl just like his father had done. There was no way he would get involved with a white woman. In fact, he never liked white females.
On reaching the step pyramid, all got off the vehicle and headed in different directions to study the location and take photographs. Omar was arranging the lens of his Canon when he felt someone standing behind him. He turned around to find Bridgette smiling at him. She requested him to brief her on the imposing structure which stood in the desert. Both of them walked about the magnificent pyramid, enjoying each other’s company. Omar was also an avid photographer and he did not miss the opportunity to take shots of Bridgette with the grand structure in the background. She willingly posed for him and her looks almost hypnotized him. It was only when Dr. Barclay called out to him that Omar came back to his senses. The group now returned to the land cruiser to proceed to their next destination. The drive to Karnak would take another two hours or so. The heat made most of the people in the vehicle doze off. The driver whistled an Arabian tune while Omar and Bridgette pretended not to look at each other though their bodies brushed against one another on the bumpy ride.
At Karnak, the foreign archeologists appeared highly excited. The dignity and ancientness of the massive temple thrilled them. The walls inside the temple had paintings depicting the day to day life of the ancient Egyptians. Omar’s eyes fell on the painting of a female acrobat. The flexibility of the painted figure reflected the same sensuality which he could feel in Bridgette. The slanting eyes of the acrobat had an uncanny resemblance with the grey green of Bridgette’s. He was almost lost in thought as he stood in front of the painting. Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Bridgette who complained of nausea and requested Omar to escort her to the vehicle. Perhaps the darkness and the damp air inside the temple had made her sick. They walked out into the bright sunlight and moved towards the land cruiser. The driver was nowhere in sight. Omar carefully helped her to lean on the back seat and gave her some water to drink. Bridgette began to feel relaxed. Within a few minutes the sky grew dark. Omar remembered the weather man forecasting a severe dust storm. He jumped into the vehicle and hurriedly shut the windows. Everything became hazy within seconds. Omar tried to see if any of the visitors had come out of the temple but it was impossible for him to even locate the grand gateway leading to the temple. The dust storm blew in full fury. It was hot, almost suffocating inside the vehicle. Sweating profusely, Omar took off his shirt and then realized that he had company. He sheepishly looked at Bridgette. Her eyes were fixed on him; he could see them inviting him. A storm welled up in his heart. What was going on, he thought. But before he knew it, they were in each other’s arms. His hands fumbled on her shirt buttons and soon his hands ran down her soft body. Bridgette whispered a low moan as Omar passionately kissed her all over. Time stood still as the two made love in the sweltering heat of the desert. Nothing else mattered to them at that moment…they were waiting for this moment to come. While the storm continued to blow outside, their love making climaxed time and again. Later both lay in each other’s arms, exhausted yet content, tranquil. Omar quickly climbed out of the vehicle when the storm died away and he headed back to the temple. Bridgette remained in the car. She lowered the car windows and looked out. Everything appeared so quiet and peaceful. A single tear ran down her cheek. Did she commit a sin? Was it right to get intimate with another man besides her husband? Why didn’t the thought of her two beautiful daughters flash in her mind when she was with Omar? She found no answers. At that moment all she yearned for was him. In her heart of hearts she thanked God for her visit to Egypt. Where else could she have found Omar? Sadly, he had no idea about her being married. Maybe he would have resisted the temptation then. Bridgette was certain that no one would disclose the truth about her to Omar. As long as she was in Egypt, she would never allow that to happen.

Monday, September 13, 2010

BURNING DESIRE

She wept & prayed in the darkness which seemed to almost strangle her to death. The eeriness of the mansion overpowered her completely. From every corner she could hear footfalls approaching. She choked as she caught a sob in her throat & waited for the worse to happen…
Steeling herself, she slowly turned to face whatever was behind her. All she could see in the darkness was the spiral staircase, covered with dust & cobwebs. She held her breath & rushed out of the mansion into the crisp morning light. On the rusty iron gate was beautifully etched the name- DESIRE. But for her, it embodied only evil in its largeness & obscurity. The first time she had seen the house, she knew it reeked of death. Strangely, it was the same house which had frequented her dreams over the last few months. The same iron gate, the same sounds of the footsteps which had haunted her dreams. She felt a shiver down her spine at the very thought of it. It was quite weird-maybe some kind of a bad omen.
The previous week had been quite surprising for her. A phone call from a distant cousin brought news of a mansion being left in her name by a rich great aunt who had just died. But she never remembered having any great aunt who could afford such luxury. She and her husband had been excited at the idea of living in their house. However, the thought of living in that huge mansion somehow repelled her.
Her husband, an architect, was completely unaware of the feelings which troubled her. He could never sense the malignant air of the mansion. In fact, he fell in love with it at first sight. He had always been fascinated by old houses, no matter how dark & gloomy they may appear. What was wrong with him, she wondered. Couldn’t he feel the monstrosity of the mansion? She tried her best to bring him back but he would not listen. He excitedly chalked out plans to renovate DESIRE…
Never for once could he realize that she was not going to live in that mansion. She almost lost her sanity brooding constantly over the evilness of DESIRE. Nothing she said would deter her husband to go ahead with his plans. She felt as if the mansion had taken possession of him. He was completely under its spell. She had to put a stop to this before it was too late.
She waited patiently for the day when her husband would be away for a week to attend a meeting. Then she would be free to handle that horrible mansion on her own. She had to get rid of it by any means. How she laughed on that autumn afternoon when she finally set ablaze DESIRE. She gladly walked towards her car parked outside the gate, thinking about her husband and their unborn child.
Nobody noticed the figure of a burning man inside the mansion, trying desperately to escape from the terrible inferno. She had made it sure that all doors were locked so that no evil could escape and haunt her again….She woke up with a start, her heart pounding. It was another of those nightmares. She turned towards her husband for comfort. But, of course, he wasn’t there…